Last week I received an email from Paige who lives in LA. He wrote to me:

I’ve been hanging out with Russian people around L.A. (where I live) and I’ve found some people like hanging out with. The problem is, I’m having a really hard time understanding most real people talking. When I’m listening to a podcast or a really clear speaker (like someone from Moscow), it’s obviously different than your girlfriend for example (I was watching a video of you and your girlfriend walking around on YouTube and I couldn’t make out what she was saying). When they speak in a super relaxed way, the speech becomes nearly incomprehensible to me. I want to hang out with Russian people, but I’m really concerned because last time I tried to do it, it was so so hard to understand the girl I was hanging with because she spoke in that way. I kept asking her to slow down, but she didn’t really know how and it was super awkward and painful for me. 

You’ll find my answer to Paige below. I decided to publish it here because I thought you’d find it useful too.
Hi Paige,

It looks to me the issue here is what we call  “affective filter”. It’s not an issue only with you. I had the same issue and most people do.

Let’s reverse the whole thing. Let’s suppose that girl from Russia (the same girl with whom you hang out) comes to LA for the first time and she speaks very little English. What is your attitude? You’re willing to help, speak slowly, repeat something 10 times, teach her, etc. She may feel awkward but you don’t! On the contrary, you’re there to help and you have fun with her even if she can barely communicate with you in English. So, why would you feel awkward trying to communicate in Russian? Do you think she wants to bang her head on the wall every time you ask her to repeat something? No! On the contrary, she probably finds it cute when you try to speak Russian or understand her! She is interested to hear how you pronounce Russian words. She’s probably impressed by your efforts to speak her language. So, I would say there is no reason to feel awkward or nervous even when you don’t understand a damn thing!!! So, in this case, we, ourselves, create this awkwardness. It’s not real. It doesn’t exist.

Now, if she thinks you’re “too slow” or it’s clear she is bored or she’s not in the right mood, or you feel there is no flow at all or whatever…. then there is a solution! Find some other native Russian speaker to practice the language. I’m sure she’s not the only one in LA! The next person will be more patient and more keen to spend time with you and will make you feel comfortable. I had Russian friends in London who would teach me Russian for hours until I said “Stop! I can’t do more! My head is burning”. They were delighted to help me understand their language and culture. So, in this case, find someone else please. Probably that person would never be a good teacher. She probably lacks patience when it comes to stuff other than language teaching too. 🙂

There is a third scenario. Can you spend time with anybody in LA who speaks English as well as you do? No. Sometimes it’s awkward when we hang out with people who speak our own language too! Well, it doesn’t happen sometimes – I’d say it happens quite often! So, in that case, again, you say goodbye and you find someone else with whom you can click and speak in Russian, chat, etc.

So, this is what I wrote to Paige. What is your opinion guys? Have you been in a similar situation? Leave a comment and I’ll answer to each one of you separate.
Thanks,
Angelos